Life is a strange mix……..sometimes so much activity and at others none at all. I wonder if this is the idea behind existence, to make it meaningful, to find meaning in life. to enjoy whatever you do. I guess that is what life means………today I am not writing from the point of view of a blog………….just a sad resignation that maybe I never did understand the reason for my being………and also that a certain number of events have gone to make me feel so. It is so strange….why do we need to earn, to get settled .to have a family, to slog our life blood out?
I don’t know maybe I am making number of mistakes in life at this juncture. Maybe I am looking in the wrong direction and hoping for help that will never be forthcoming. Maybe I have made a grievous error in judgment in my personal and professional life. or maybe its just one of those days when one feels al is going wrong.
I don’t know how to see clearly and objectively. Oh what I would give to see all objectively and clearly. How beneficial it would be for me. I see right before my very own eyes…………people whom I never trusted …….standing up for me and people I trusted beyond the grave leaving me in a lurch……….what to believe…………I don’t know anymore.
Just got a call from someone I thought didn’t care for me ,didn’t respect me and what do I see………..i don’t need to speak and all is understood. how I neglect those who love me……..how I neglect their needs………that’s one mistake I seem to be making over and over again……….why am I so callous? Why am I so blind…………to be thought about in their darkest moments and their happiest moments……what more could I ask…….isn’t this love isn’t this friendship………..isn’t this trust?a trust beyond the grave is what I wanted……..it was always there…….and I was too blind to see…………a trust that speaks of love of caring of sharing and belief in what you are…………a trust that means that you can stand up and not look behind and still know there is someone behind you………..
As life unfolds on me………I surprisingly am getting to see that trust from unexpected quarters………..that I am confused at the will of God……….and I suddenly sit up and ask………to be or not to be…………….?
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