There is a certain familiarity that scares me so
Whispers from the past
A look on a face, the smile, the scorn, the indifference
Oh so achingly familiar
And yet when I try to clear the haze
I can see none
A bliss and yet a torture
Why can’t I fathom it?
Eternally… incessantly have I asked?
Sent the question out into this immeasurable void…
And yet the silence my eternal answer
A benediction
Lay hidden in all its glory within me
It’s strange, and those who don’t understand will find me a stranger
A silence that answers all a pain that is pleasure still
It’s like this inexplicable feeling the origin and end of which is me
And entrapped in its golden threads am I
I loved no one with as much passion as I did my God
And he deserted me not…ever
And yet my soul yearns for more
My God smirks at me so…
A voice whispered… the answer lies within
And I delved deep into my consciousness
All I found was…
Patience, waiting and love…
A love immeasurable… patience tested sore by ages past
And a waiting that have known worlds
I find tiny fragments within me…
Some little bits of consciousness
A sudden remembrance
A reverence for something precious I held
I don’t know what it is
But I know for certain… it is the source of my strength
It’s the reason I live over and over again
And yet I can’t see…
It is that steel that makes me bend but not break
And all through this I smile
At my own follies and fumbling ineptitude
Knowing well that I am a master past in this
And yet….why do I stumble so
Over and over again
Have walked these lanes…walk them blindfolded even today
And yet know not when I walked them
This life I am growing as I grew many lives before…
Never remember anything …
But the certainty that I was there is all I carry
And carry beyond the grave will I
A burning memory…of a blank?
A blank that is greater than all …
a meaning stronger than the strongest
And in sudden fear I hold close to my heart my God.
Seek solace from him…
Lavish him with all my love, anoint him, bless him, and praise him
And still in my heart I have a tiny space…
A question…
That like a tiny bubble doth expand and surge forth
With the strength of a thousand oceans
And all it asks…
“What am I?”
Why do I hurt so badly… that it is difficult to draw breath
And yet in the next breath find it in me to bless
To love and care, when all I wish is the capacity to hate
Never have I been able to hate
Wanted to destroy, wanted to wield vengeance
Why my Lord
I ask eternally… why can’t I be Human…
And yet in being human can’t hate
The form is there but the soul can’t hurt
Only be hurt…
“Why?”
Into that void I send them….these questions that plague me so…
A voice whispered… the answer lies within
And I delved deep into my consciousness
All I found was…
Patience, waiting and love…
A love immeasurable… patience tested sore by ages past
And a waiting that have known worlds…
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