THE WAITING......

In and out, in and out……….
I breathe and wonder if it will be my last
A wait longer than millions of years
A million more to go…
Sitting by the window …
A deathly stillness in the air
Nothing moves outside
The countryside absolutely barren off everything
Save the white mantle it wears
Trees like frosted over ….curious grotesque shapes
Standing like mute tired sentinels
Bear testimony to my wait……….
Sometimes I wonder if they understand my pain
Their absolute stillness going unnoticed by the teeming millions
But on nights like this…when all the worlds abed
Except me ………..
A restless soul………………that never found what I searched
I understand their mute anguish as they understand mine



A sudden wind blows a few stray snowflakes across the window…..
My breath frosts the window as I sigh deeply
Stillness and turbulence all rolled into one
A lesson learnt……..
I’ve learnt that the wait never ends
That there is no end to my pain …….
That there never was anyone……..
Not even one single measly soul
Who could understand?
On whose shoulder I could rest my head
Who would shield me from the stormy blast……..
As I would protect him from the cares of the world……..
It’s not the pain of not having a mate…….
Its much more……….its the pain of not having…your reflection
It’s the pain of knowing that you are all alone…


And as I sit by this cold winter morn……
The night whittled away in the wait
Yet again do I sigh and begin the day
My contemplative self covered from all prying eyes
Ready to indulge in the day’s mundane work…
The screen is shut……the blinds drawn
My face a clear mask of unconcern………
I guess this is my fate.
My lot……….to never be understood.