NAMELESS

A bond no one can sever least of all me
How I stretch how I fight
Not stifling but invigorating
Like a shot of coffee to a parched throat
A drug ,yet calling it so would be such an understatement
Life-giving breath
Is the best it can be
Long after I have stopped even breathing


That’s the way I feel your love
Why I hate you so much
Have spoilt me for everything, everyone
How can I settle for less having glimpsed at my heaven
A heaven that’s cursed
A life that can never be
This truth I knew when I first met you
And acceptance have been seeking since
To grasp reality to accept
To flourish in pain
Which I used to do so beautifully
This is going to be much worse
Than I thought it could be


Am not prepared for each cruel word you say ……
Though I pretend to be………..
Pretend to laugh it off………
But only I know how it wounds……….
And I never could forget easily nor forgive
And yet you I forgive even before the retaliation is out of my mouth
Why am I incapable of hurting you as I yearn to do
Is it self preservation?
Is it cowardice or is it plain love
Whatever it can be I know……….
For a fact that it can never be
There is no future
No you and me


And that hell I’ve lived through all the while I’ve been with you…..
Each single minute of the nine months……
Its been a long journey……
And I’m tired
Need to rest
Don’t know if I can go on with you
My spirits are flagging
And my senses blurring
Oppressive is the inertia…….and ……
Even my indifference deserts me
And all I feel like is to curl into a ball and cry
As if my heart would break
Which it shall inevitably


Why have I been circled out for this pain….
I never asked to be……..
Have no pretensions to grandeur
No delusions about myself
Just asked for a little freedom
And a little love
Was that too much to ask
Too much to find
Seems not
And yet…………
“Never mind” is what I always say
NOT ACCEPT IS WHAT I DO…IRONICAL RIGHT?
Nah not so if you know the kind of person I am
As difficult as can be
A merry go ride
Ups and downs
Turn arounds
Spurts of speed
And lazy meanderings
Restless quirks and
Crazy thinking….crazy words……that’s me….always
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