There is a certain lassitude in my soul that I have been trying to ignore for quite a long time. Have covered it with layers of “things I like to do”…made enormous wish lists done enormous amounts of weird wild and whacky things. But that lassitude doesn’t seem to be going.Infact the void deepens. I always thought the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility applied to my life too. The trouble is that I have reached that satiation point very soon and my learning curve for people and things is extremely steep. Alternatively I feel I know enough of a person because that is as much I need from them.
The end result –an extremely dissatisfied person with not much that interests her or intrigues her. I’m told eternally to get married but my eternal fear is that I will get bored of my spouse too very soon. No I am not delusional about the ‘charming’ aspects of my personality, just petrified that these charming traits might end up making more than just one (Me for now) miserable.
The void will not go…I know that and have made my peace with it.now I begin my quest for something new to hold my attention…
4 comments:
"I know enough of a person because that is as much I need from them"... I believe there are many like you. It is quite narcissistic to believe that only you face the same issues. Hence a person who understands you as much as you understand them, should give you the space and share other moments which will banish the boredom if it ever comes. Its not to say that everything will be a bed of roses, but then even rose plants have more thorns than the flower itself. It is up to each and everyone of us to overcome the thorns and enjoy the flowers of life.
I believe the void will go...Just give a chance for it to go than being scared of "What if" scenarios and not doing anything for it. Then the other wish lists will be much more exciting since there is no void to forget (Meaning it is always at the back of the mind) while doing them.
Btw being realistic is good. But that does not mean putting yourself down always. Some of your 'charming' aspects are actually charming :)
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Hi Anonymous,
this is so true.....about the roses and all...but u have to accept it that different people have different needs and cravings....like for example......i will only bother looking beyond the thorns to the roses and enjoy them if i have a craving for roses.........
too bad i dont much care for them....so say like i have craving for something more exotic like lavender or magnolia.......ill gravitate towards them eventhough they are extremely hard to cultivate...
u see all our preferences in life are are......need-based.
Right...So as long as you have a craving for lavender and magnolia, reach out for them. Might be more difficult to find/cultivate but instead of making peace with the void and giving up totally on flowers...Reach Out and Don't Give Up!.
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