Saturday, March 29, 2008

THE STATE OF MY MIND

There is a lot one can think about and ruminate on. I choose to do a weekly evaluation of how forward or backward I am moving. Have loads of packing to do and no inclination for it. Its always been easy for me to uproot myself and move away, because I never really put down roots. am what one would call the classic nomad.
Yes I am a nomad mentally physically and spiritually, which is why I am eternally plagued by my one and only terrible fault-the fear of stagnation. Its bane of my life, doesn’t let me settle for anything and with anything. Am always on the lookout for something, someone, somewhere new…

Don’t feel like moving out of Pune.its such a restful place. Lively and active when u want it to be and serene and calm at the same time. Small quaint low roofed buildings and high rises side by side, one blending into the other…the countryside lush and green awash when it rains. Simple people with not a care in their minds…taking you as you are.

The evaluation continues…so why is it I find it difficult to pull my roots this time? Or do I fear that I shall never put down roots again…

Or maybe I am scared of getting out of a situation I was too comfortable being in. the truth be told it wasn’t a reality…was just a surreal figment of my imagination I have been too busy protecting and admiring. Someone, the other day so correctly said to me-“wake up and smell the coffee, hinny”. is that what I have been doing. Proverbially burying my head in the sands of my imagination and walking away from life. It is the time for reckoning, I guess.

My mettle is always strong. Won’t be daunted. if walking away it needs, walk away I shall.

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