Feel like writing a poem today
But the words fail me
Is it just the words that fail me?
Or the whole failure dawning on me
Can there be a disillusion beyond disillusionment?
Can there be a depth of misery beyond the deepest misery?
Can there be a joy beyond a joy?
Can there be contentment to wipe out every painful memory?
I can never describe the feeling
A feeling it is
A joy, a contentment and yet a misery beyond all…
Painful and yet a pain I yearn to go through again and yet again
Such is the feeling of love
Indescribable exultation
A high one doesn’t easily come down from
Till the lows dumb you rock bottom…
That the realization doesn’t even register
And one is left floundering, helpless, and hapless
Powerless to do anything except bid time.
Time the most precious commodity
Many would wish it turned back
Many would wish it would speed up
Many would pray for blissful oblivion
Many would pray for its healing properties
Anonymity and unconcern we pray for
A state of isolation and immunity
Even in the midst of the world
Today I feel like not talking to anyone
Because no one can help me
Help isn’t what I want
A place to hide is what I crave
Somewhere I could go and grab a slice of peace
A little tranquility I could absorb into my veins
Am I am escapist?
Nay or I wouldn’t ever have gotten into the mess I am in now
Slow is my speed of understanding
Didn’t see what stared me in the face
Just plodded on with supreme confidence
And prayed that I wasn’t wrong
But lo behold…
The god’s had something else in mind…
No Ave Maria helped…
I know the slide back was imminent…
And so its begun
Snowballing my life with a speed that defies all
And all I can do is watch helplessly
Face serene and composed in resignation
While the mind and heart screams in pain of violation
So deep that no one can even begin to fathom
Disillusion has set in…
I hope for my sake
I haven’t forgotten how to love and how to forgive
I don’t want to be an empty shell
That would for me be the ultimate death knell
What would I do…?
For whom would I do it…?
Not a single soul I could look at and say……
Thou shall my mainstay be
An emptiness pervades the soul
Makes me feel lazy with a lassitude
That beckons the beginning of the end
An end of all feeling
A hardening that shall never crack when fortified.
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