WELL OF MY MUSINGS

Why has the well of my musings dried up
Or is it overflowing with thoughts untold,
Such that nothing can contain it?
Always I find an outlet
Today I wet paper to let go
But still do not know what to write
Words fail me yet again
Yet the soul is so full
So much to tell
So much to let go
How will I do it?
Can’t carry it all though
Owe it to myself to let it flow

My greatest pleasures, I remember
Have been my greatest solace
All I crave is to go back and enjoy that simplicity
I am not for here
Don’t belong………..
The pain and degradation in all around me I see
It hurts so and yet I came with my eyes open
Why didn’t I listen to those who cared
Wanted to create……..
Will do so………..
But at the cost of what?
Is the price too high to pay?
Or is it just a weakness of the flesh and mind?
Nay I never was weak
Nor ever will be
If all I have left of me is my strength
That shall be the remains of me…my ashes…

And all through this sojourn
I drag incessantly ………
Not only my patience but thine as well
You never deserved this
No matter what you did
You don’t pay for my sins……….
We each pay for ours
And that was mine to pay for
Not yours
Just like this is my hell to go through
Not yours………..
You’ve already been through a lot more……..
Don’t love me so much that love ceases to be
And the meaning of this world will cease to be…

The other day I saw a mute talk with his eyes
And felt so deprived
Never could with even a tongue
What deprivation ,what hell…..
I saw the pain of childbirth and the joy on the mother’s face……..
Understood it at the tender age of eleven
Bled in the heart with loved ones
As they mourned the death of those cherished
Walked ahead then looked back
All were busy in their lives
And temporary were those feelings
Is there no consistency?
Constancy in this world?

I don’t dwell in the past
Have let go of it ages ago but
Still wonder if the past ever mattered
If it was just a testing ground where I failed
Or a place to haunt my coming life
The presence of that waiting is a constancy
Just as my feelings are
Built on rock high above the seas
Where nothing can wash them away nor the winds chaff
Into nothingness……….
That’s my constancy……my consistency….my all
No one ever understood…..never will

All I look for is a little constancy……..nothing more
In nothing have I found it
The seasons still change
Nature sheds her clothes
And so do people change with the wind
Is there no one who will my constant be
When I come from the scorching sun
My refuge for a few seconds
A soothing word is all I ask
A little warmth in which I can bask
That smile to make my day

My journey continues
Wish me luck……..that never ending quest
And still I have patience
What’s more important I have HOPE
As long as the well of my hope doth not dry up
I continue still
Maybe it will someday ………
Like the well of my musings
Like the well of my thoughts
Overflowing with parched thoughts……..