Monday, March 31, 2008

MY DESIRE


I WANT TO CREATE SOMETHING...A MASTERPIECE OUT OF IMAGINATION.........SOMETHING WHICH WILL TELL ME ALL MY SECRETS.........SHOW ME THE WAY....AM GOING TO LEARN HOW TO PAINT...THATS A PROMISE I MAKE TO MYSELF.......AND I SHALL PAINT WITH MY OWN LIFE BLOOD......AND EMOTIONS....

THE SECOND THING I PROMISE MYSELF IS A VISIT TO MY FAVORITE PLACE..........LADAKH........ITS A PIECE OF MY SOUL.A YEARNING.....A FEVER IN THE BLOOD......
LETS SEE WHEN IT HAPPENS..BUT HAPPEN IT SHALL........

HUMILITY...A VIRTUE LONG GONE.......IS IT?....I HOPE STILL...

Life begins when we understand the transience and fragility of it……and how we should make maximum use of your mortal years so that we get rid of that incomplete feeling in our souls.ive always felt a waiting, a gap, a missing piece in the puzzle called life. Started questioning my existence long back, and the fact that no one understood the turmoil inside only made me more of a loner. Since then I’ve always been watching people and life from the outside. Feel that my purpose here is so temporary…that this is not where I am supposed to be…this life feels like a railway platform and I am sitting with my baggage………waiting……..waiting….for my train to come. The one I’m meant to board………till then im just ‘chasing cars in my head’……..

In the past few days I’ve met so many people. And one commonality I noticed…….a marked lack of humility……..don’t know why but it’s a quality ive always felt as endearing as chivalry in a male. have people really lost connect with the real virtues of life? Or is it just me living in a wrong time.Dont know why but have always admired people….real people………men and women of honor……no half measures…..pure souls who don’t compromise on their virtue……… a man is a man only when he learns the lesson of humility. No matter how big he becomes he always has scope to grow….the benchmark is ever elastic…..and as fathomless as the universe………..arrogance is a fool’s solution of a cover up of his insecurities.

Could never love or admire one who is arrogant…………and doesn’t feel as inconsequential and small as a grain of sand at some point of his life.………always feel that no matter what we become we will never get big enough.Dont confuse this with insatiable appetite for success…………its on the contrary being at rest with your inadequacies and trying to overcome them all the time. Met very few men I can look upto…very few men who are kind……..patient………..loving ……..and most of all giving………..

I have yet to meet one who loves with a love that can be bigger than himself………and has it in himself to accept his inadequacies….and that the universe is so much bigger than all of us……even though it is in fact us…..and more importantly submit himself totally……without condition…


PS:- might sound insane to some people………but there is a certain irrefutable logic in what I say……..that is if you are open minded enough to see what I mean.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

THE STATE OF MY MIND

There is a lot one can think about and ruminate on. I choose to do a weekly evaluation of how forward or backward I am moving. Have loads of packing to do and no inclination for it. Its always been easy for me to uproot myself and move away, because I never really put down roots. am what one would call the classic nomad.
Yes I am a nomad mentally physically and spiritually, which is why I am eternally plagued by my one and only terrible fault-the fear of stagnation. Its bane of my life, doesn’t let me settle for anything and with anything. Am always on the lookout for something, someone, somewhere new…

Don’t feel like moving out of Pune.its such a restful place. Lively and active when u want it to be and serene and calm at the same time. Small quaint low roofed buildings and high rises side by side, one blending into the other…the countryside lush and green awash when it rains. Simple people with not a care in their minds…taking you as you are.

The evaluation continues…so why is it I find it difficult to pull my roots this time? Or do I fear that I shall never put down roots again…

Or maybe I am scared of getting out of a situation I was too comfortable being in. the truth be told it wasn’t a reality…was just a surreal figment of my imagination I have been too busy protecting and admiring. Someone, the other day so correctly said to me-“wake up and smell the coffee, hinny”. is that what I have been doing. Proverbially burying my head in the sands of my imagination and walking away from life. It is the time for reckoning, I guess.

My mettle is always strong. Won’t be daunted. if walking away it needs, walk away I shall.

WATER WATER WATER ALL THE WAY....mulshi n me













Thursday, March 20, 2008

A FAVE RECIPE OF MINE

Thai Green Curry
Ingredients:

Add more green chilies to this dish for a spicier taste. You can prepare the green curry paste and keep it in the refrigerator for 4 to -5 days.

Ingredients:
8. 2 Tbsp. chopped lemon grass
9. 1 tsp. cumin seeds
10. 1 Tbsp. grated galangal (baby ginger)
11. 1 Tbsp. chopped coriander root
12. 4 garlic cloves
13. 10 green Thai peppers or 4 green Indian chilies
14. 2 Tbsp. groundnut oil
15. 1/2 cup chopped red pepper
16. 1/2 cup chopped green pepper
17. 1 cup chopped button or shiitake mushrooms
18. 1 cup okra
19. 1 cup chopped snow peas, parboiled
20. 1 cup chopped carrots, parboiled
21. 1 cup chopped broccoli, parboiled
22. 1 cup chopped tofu
23. Salt, to taste
24. 3 Tbsp. coconut milk
25. 3 Tbsp. sugar
26. 1 cup water
27. 6 fresh lime leaves
28. 15 fresh Thai basil leaves.

Method:

Method:
1. In a food processor, grind the lemon grass, cumin seeds, galangal, coriander root, garlic cloves, and Thai peppers or Indian chilies into a smooth paste.
2. Heat the oil and sauté the peppers, mushrooms, and okra.
3. Add the snow peas, carrots, broccoli, and tofu and stir for a couple of minutes.
4. Add the salt, coconut milk, sugar, and lemon grass paste.
5. Add the water and bring to a boil.
6. Add the lime leaves and basil leaves. Serve hot with steamed rice.

THE ELEMENTS OF "ME"

I am governed by the law of perversity
Am a contradiction of sorts
Live my life by my own rules
Fly free like a bird in a world which is a cage itself
Delusions of freedom have I
And yet, a better existence than most


At least I know what I quest for
How many wars I battled through
How many lives I’ve lived, shed and been reborn
And still like a unbroken horse I strain at the reins of life
The wait is long and patience less
Give me strength, oh inner being!
The keeper of my soul
So I may not break before the final thrust


I can feel the zeal in my bones
And know what a lesser man never glimpsed at
Lived through fire and ice, tears and pain
Loved every bit of the way…
Clawed myself back to sanity again and again
And in all that I know deep down
I am single, alone as ever I shall be
Am not meant to mix, mingle, lean, love and depend
Love shall I with a love greater than me
But for the one I love
Never for me
Selfless I am called
But they know not…


I am not built for the other
I am built for me
And me shall I serve only
Never be a slave to anyone
Nor anyone to me
Am a slave to the freedom of my soul
Love is just an indulgence to explore my human side…..
A giving, when I know not how to take
The other side …knows no emotion
A clean slate…….a slab of marble….pure white






Fear not …
I am not a threat to anyone
A threat to myself maybe
Not never hurt anyone bad
Not deliberately
And if I do so …tis because I saw more than others did
A picture bigger than the world…
Of futures untold and unexplored.


I shall live on in that future
Will be the wild wind that blows this earth…
Will be the lifeblood of the soil
Bleeding red…
Bringing forth life
I shall be the curse to humanity
Of life and death
I shall be the innocence of a child unspoilt
I shall be the hope in the sick and injured
I shall be the religion of the Gods
I shall be conviction of being.
This is what I am and ever shall be…
From now till the end of existence…

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

THE LAST OF THE EXAMS

someone just said to me this morning,......wow! last written paper of our lives......and it hit me that maybe this is the last degree of my formal education life.no more studies....feels great.....and yet there at the back of my mind is the need to study further.......maybe when i will be quite solvent i shall study again......but this time for pleasure........

which brings me to a classic question....does anyone study for pleasure......I'm sure if degrees and qualifications weren't attached to jobs most of us wouldn't study....what we have decided to study...........hmmmmm......
i like intellectual stimulation and logical reasoning and analysis....which accounts for my current choice.......MBA.........
on the flip side there is an artistic side to me which is also very prominent..........hence the constant struggle between facts n fiction in my mind.....i love literature and like to dabble in the mystical concepts of metaphysics and occult..........


if it was for fun...I'm sure i would pursue further studies in Arts......literature to be exact.....and maybe a foreign language.....which I've always wanted to learn but never had the gumption to follow through.

anyway is it the end of the road for me?????.......nah i believe learning is a never ending process......sometimes de-learning is more important process than learning....both of which all of us do some or the other time during our lifetimes......


all the best to all of us ......at least no theoretical papers.{THANK GOD!!!!}

Monday, March 3, 2008

CORE ISSUES

Sometimes a feeling of bondage can be a lovely feeling if you only let go and see it as your safety net and not as something to bind you and constrict you. I look at people Bungee jumping or going on a roller coaster ride and it seems so much like life. What we think sometimes as a constricting restrictive relationship is infact our safety net. The cords around your ankle are infact what will keep you from going headlong into a very painful situation.

All it takes is a little ‘faith’ and ‘vulnerability’………one needs to subjugate our will to the will of someone else…….we think we are giving up a lot……space, independence, love, our identity etc…….but infact when you become vulnerable then you don’t empower them (if your initial analysis is right about the person and if the person doesn’t turn out to be a totally wrong choice……a murderer or something perfectly horrid.)…you empower yourself.

Such a person is incapable of hurting you because hurting you would mean hurting himself and what he or she really is. People are after all not all bad….we are all shades of grey…some more white than black……..there are values like integrity ,love and respect still alive even in materialistic times like now………
This is my core and I revel in it…..Have you found yours?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

original thought----not so original

I am thinking about the concept of “original thought”. Is there anything such as original thought when the seed of our existence is one and the same…from a single seed we were all born. The properties of that seed defining our characteristics and idiosyncrasies, and the environment we are thrown into defining our outer characteristics and shaping our behavior. I feel sometimes that mutation and evolution gave us much more than took away from us. And all the rotten things that have happened to our human race like the dreaded Alzheimer’s and Cancers…the shocking HIV’s which wipe out our loved ones in millions…..are but a logical protective measure of Mother Earth.

I always thought Malthus was a great guy, a visionary who saw what nature and man were doing to each other.
"The power of population is so superior to the power of the earth to produce subsistence for man that premature death must in some shape or other visit the human race. The vices of mankind are active and able ministers of depopulation. They are the precursors in the great army of destruction, and often finish the dreadful work themselves. But should they fail in this war of extermination, sickly seasons, epidemics, pestilence, and plague advance in terrific array, and sweep off their thousands and tens of thousands. Should success be still incomplete, gigantic inevitable famine stalks in the rear, and with one mighty blow levels the population with the food of the world."

Abstinence isn’t such a bad idea to control population…OR nature will take its own course and make sure we never play around with Her. The continuity of the species will be jeopardized with our interference and the mutated strains carried forth will be not the ones we need but the ones which we think will be good for the human race. Do you think that mutating the aging gene or creating Dolly will be any good to the human race? In retrospect if we look at the situation totally objectively ---do you think we need to tamper with the genes to control diseases…….if we don’t die by diseases and natural causes we sure will by other means like natural disasters like Katrina which will in one sweep kill thousands……….

Sadly we have no answers for the temperamental nature of Nature. strangely if I look back to the origin of the diseases and such like it was we humans who actually were the cause of such diseases like Aids etc…..need I say more….
Are we trying to correct the wrong we have done or merely trying to capitalize on the disasters we have wrought. One nation pretending to be the rescuer of the lesser fortunate one ….is it all about Humanity???
So many questions and very answers forthcoming……..
One thing is there for sure….one must not try to tamper with the natural ways of the world…..penguins will always jump to their death to let their young live on….

The Mother's Song

Out of the darkness, the chaos of time,
The whirlwind gave birth to the Mother sublime.
She woke to Herself knowing life had great worth,
The dark empty void grieved the Great Mother Earth.
The Mother was lonely. She was the only.

From the dust of Her birth She created the other,
A pale shining friend, a companion, a brother.
They grew up together, learned to love and to care,
And when She was ready, they decided to pair.
Around Her he'd hover. Her pale shining lover.

She was happy at first with Her one counterpart.
Then the Mother grew restless, unsure in Her heart.
She loved Her fair friend, Her dear complement,
But something was missing, Her love was unspent.
She was the Mother. She needed another.

She dared the great void, the chaos, the dark,
To find the cold home of the life-giving spark.
The whirlwind was fearsome, the darkness complete.
Chaos was freezing, and reached out for Her heat.
The Mother was brave. The danger was grave.

She drew from cold chaos the creative source,
Then conceiving within, She fled with life-force.
She grew with the life that She carried inside.
And gave of Herself with love and with pride.
The Mother was bearing. Her life She was sharing.

The dark empty void and the vast barren Earth,
With anticipation, awaited the birth.
Life drank from Her blood, it breathed from Her bones.
It split Her skin open and sundered Her stones.
The Mother was giving. Another was living.

Her gushing birth waters filled rivers and seas,
And flooded the land, giving rise to the trees.
From each precious drop new grass and leaves grew,
And lush verdant plants made all the Earth new.
Her waters were flowing. New green was growing.

In violent labor spewing fire and strife,
She struggled in pain to give birth to new life.
Her dried clotted blood turned to red-ochred soil,
But the radiant child made it all worth the toil.
The Mother's great joy. A bright shining boy.

Mountains rose up spouting flames from their crests,
She nurtured Her son from Her mountainous breasts.
He suckled so hard, the sparks flew so high,
The Mother's hot milk laid a path through the sky.
His life had begun. She nourished Her son.

He laughed and he played, and he grew big and bright.
He lit up the darkness, the Mother's delight.
She lavished Her love, he grew bright and strong,
But soon he matured, not a child for long.
Her son was near grown. His mind was his own.

She took from the source for the life She'd begun.
Now the cold empty void was enticing Her son.
The Mother gave love, but the youth longed for more,
For knowledge, excitement, to travel, explore.
Chaos was Her foe. But Her son yearned to go.

He stole from Her side as the Great Mother slept,
While out of the dark swirling void chaos crept.
With tempting inducements the darkness beguiled,
Deceived by the whirlwind, chaos captured Her child.
The dark took Her son. The young brilliant one.

The Mother's bright child, at fist overjoyed,
Was soon overwhelmed by the bleak frigid void.
Her unwary offspring, consumed with remorse,
Could not escape the mysterious force.
Chaos would not free. Her rash progeny.

But just as the dark pulled him into the cold,
The Mother woke up, reached out and caught hold.
To help Her recover Her radiant son,
The Mother appealed to the pale shining one.
The Mother held tight. And kept him in sight.

She welcomed him back, Her lover of old,
With heartache and sorrow, Her story She told.
Her dear friend agreed to join in the fight,
To rescue Her child from his perilous plight.
She told of her grief. And the dark swirling thief.

The Mother was tired, She had to recover,
She loosened Her hold to Her luminous lover.
While She was sleeping, he fought the cold force,
And for a time drove it back to the source.
His spirit was strong. The encounter too long.

Her fair shining friend struggled hard, gave his best,
The conflict was bitter, the struggle hard pressed.
His vigilance waned as he closed his great eye,
Then darkness crept close, stole his light from the sky.
Her pale friend was tiring. His light was expiring.

When darkness was total, She woke with a cry.
The tenebrious void hid the light from the sky.
She joined in the conflict, was quick to defend,
And drove the dark shadow away from Her friend.
But the pale face of night. Let Her son out of sight.

Trapped by the whirlwind, Her bright fiery son,
Gave no warmth to the Earth, cold chaos has won.
The fertile green life was now ice and snow,
And a sharp piercing wind continued to blow.
The Earth was bereft. No green plants were left.

The Mother was weary, grieving and worn,
But She reached out again for the life She had borne.
She couldn't give up, She needed to strive,
For the glorious light of Her son to survive.
She continued the fight. To bring back the light.

And Her luminous friend was prepared to contest,
The thief who held captive the child of Her breast.
Together they fought for the son She adored.
Their efforts succeeded, his light was restored.
His energy burned. His brilliance returned.

But the bleak frigid dark craved his bright glowing heat.
The Mother defended and would not retreat.
The whirlwind pulled hard, She refused to let go,
She fought to a draw with Her dark swirling foe.
She held darkness at bay. But Her son was away.

When She fought the whirlwind and made chaos flee,
The light from Her son glowed with vitality.
When the Mother grew tired, the bleak void held sway,
And darkness returned at the end of the day.
She felt warmth from Her son. But neither had won.

The Great Mother lived with the pain in Her heart,
That She and Her son were forever apart.
She ached for the child that had been denied,
So She quickened once more from the life-force inside.
She was not reconciled. To the loss of Her child.

When She was ready, Her waters of birth,
Brought back the green life to the cold barren Earth.
And the tears of Her loss, abundantly spilled,
Made dew drops that sparkled and rainbows that thrilled.
Birth waters brought green. But Her tears could be seen.

With a thunderous roar Her stones split asunder,
And from the great cave that opened deep under,
She birthed once again from Her cavernous room,
And brought forth the Children of Earth from Her womb.
From the Mother forlorn, more children were born.

Each child was different, some were large and some small,
Some could walk and some fly, some could swim and some crawl.
But each form was perfect, each spirit complete,
Each one was a model whose shape could repeat.
The Mother was willing. The green earth was filling.

All the birds and the fish and the animals born,
Would not leave the Mother, this time , to mourn.
Each kind would live near the place of its birth,
And share the expanse of the Great Mother Earth.
Close to Her they would stay. The could not run away.

They all were Her children, they filled Her with pride,
But they used up the life-force She carried inside.
She had enough left for a last innovation,
A child who'd remember Who made the creation.
A child who'd respect. And learn to protect.

First Woman was born full-grown and alive,
And given the Gifts she would need to survive.
Life was the First Gift, and like Mother Earth,
She woke to herself knowing life had great worth.
First Woman defined. The first of her kind.

Next was the Gift of Perception, of learning,
The desire to know, the Gift of Discerning,
First Woman was given the knowledge within,
That would help her to live, and pass on to her kin.
First Woman would know. How to learn, how to grow.

Her life-force near gone, The Mother was spent,
To pass on Life's Spirit had been Her intent.
She caused all of Her children to create life anew,
And Woman was blessed to bring forth life, too.
But Woman was lonely. She was the only.

The Mother remembered Her own loneliness,
The love of Her friend and his hovering caress.
With the last spark remaining, Her labor began,
To share life with Woman, She created First Man.
Again She was giving. One more was living.

To Woman and Man the Mother gave birth,
And then for their home, She gave them the Earth,
The water, the land, and all Her creation.
To use them with care was their obligation.
It was their home to use. But not to abuse.

For the Children of Earth the Mother provided,
The Gifts to survive, and then She decided,
To give them the Gift of Pleasure and sharing,
That honors the Mother with the joy of their pairing.
The Gifts are well-earned. When honor's returned.

The Mother was pleased with the pair She created,
She taught them to love and to care when they mated.
She made them desire to join with each other,
The Gift of their Pleasures came from the Mother.
Before She was through. Her children loved too.
Earth's Children were blessed. The Mother could rest.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

REALITY BITES

TWO MAJOR TRENDS SEEN IN A B SCHOOL

Out of sight is out of mind

And

Money makes the mare go

Relationships are highly fragile things as it is. Long distance relationships hardly withstand the test of time especially when either of the partners is subjected to long absences of the loved one. Isn’t it true that when we are sore or happy, we need the loved one to be there and be with us…what if such a loved one is not there to share our love? Is there any use in such a relationship?
I’ve see really sturdy relationships crumble into nothingness…because in a B School we are taught ROI, profitability and how soon we can Breakeven. Too bad we are not taught that love and life is not about business only. Unfortunately most of us start measuring the finer things in life by such metrics and then can’t comprehend what went wrong where?
Sometimes we feel that life has given us such a raw deal that we close up ourselves to all feeling be it love or pain. Not the very best way to tackle the problem but, I guess we are but human…and have our limitations…after all who doesn’t go through the same phases?
Still each feels the pain as acutely as the next person.
I think its time we realized the concept of opportunity cost lost. More important than ROI or breakevens…it tells us what we are trading off for what…do you think love, contentment and companionship can be compensated by salary hikes or promotions…the best profile in the world cannot bring back a smile to the loved one’s face if you are not there to share it with them. This is why the divorce rates are on a steady rise nowadays and people prefer to get rid of the hassles of legally ending a marriage by accepting the more convenient second best cousin ‘live-in’ relationships.
Oh what pain more money brings with itself……….and for all our emancipated outlook and women’s lib movements we still feel that the woman is the home maker or home breaker…..and the onus of the family’s happiness lies on her shoulders. Hence she will have to squash her career aspirations or choose more amenable ones which don’t meddle with the beautiful exemplary family structure currently prevalent.
But in all honesty I can’t even crib about that solely. Men are equally harassed in such situations. I guess we just need to realize where our priorities lie………and work accordingly…taking both career and love life as irreplaceable and non substitutable. we just need a balance…an equilibrium…

Sunday, February 10, 2008

whats the worst that can happen

i love the PLC we were taught in the Marketing class......i feel this curve( product life cycle curve) AKA PLC......is applicable to everything in life.......looks like something like the simple harmonic wave motion we studied in class !@ so long ago....looks like a normal probability curve.....only the probability isnt just a 95% but a full 100%

life is all about UP's and DOWN's......crests and troughs.......waves.........look around you and nature itself gives you numerous such examples.......you see the waves at high tide and low tide....continuously chaffing the coastline....gradually eroding even hard rock...making fine sand.....who would think it would be so powerful.....i remember i studied it in geography as something called denudation by water.......lolz....ages back yet again.Then remember how the farmer turns the soil with his plough...making numerous crests and troughs.....furrows.......


even we have the same crests and troughs...........high points and low points......whe we tough the depths of depression and feel that life has nothing more to offer.........our own PLC's.........all we have to remember is that we must never give up climbing the "slope"........

10 DO NOT DO's OF MBA

1) Do not ever let anyone take you for granted.( if presentations are to be made together then make sure they are.....don't tolerate freeloaders.......you'll find many where ever you are)


2)Be a part of social sites and see whats happening on the other side of the fence....but.....do not do PR and bitch about your colleagues or institute or personal life for the heck of it.....you never know who is watching)


3)Do not try to be the extra smart sincere student of the group always in the limelight because of brilliant work and questions...you will find favour only with the teachers...and alienate ur classmates.......thats not so important but you will lose your surprise value during placements or in situation which matters..


4)Try not to put on too much weight...b schools make u put on weight.all those sitting around sessions...late night coffees munching and tea........body clocks go haywire ....

5)Try getting your regular 8 hours sleep no matter what...15 minute naps help....don't worry you'll be dog tired anyway....so you'll be able to get cat naps........do this or youll lose memory soon and exams will not be so much fun when u have two or tree papers per day without gaps.........


6)Don't just go with the flow...companies like people with individuality and not just jargon spouting cookie cuts.......if ur one of the crowd....its ok but try to have ur own USP.....it helps ........u need to have a differentiator..........


7)Don't smoke and drink excessively just because of peer pressure and because its so hip etc..........that combined with rich food, a sedentary lifestyle is a sure way to obesity.

8) Don't tell your mum and dad everything that happens in a b school...they wouldnt understand and will worry overmuch...


9)Start reading newspapers and journals and magazines if you are not into the habit of doing so.....its all about being well informed and street smart...the Dhirubhai's didn't go to Harvard .....


10)Never risk your career for anything and be focused at all times..........don't get depressed.....shit happens to everyone.........read that book SNAPSHOTS FROM HELL........helps.......and try not to please everone..you cant do it anyway..

:)


All the Best

Thursday, February 7, 2008

NEED I SAY MORE...TWO DAYS OF PURE UNADULTERATED PLEASURE

I’ve just come back from a totally insane holiday.beachcombing,walking through the waves, running after scuttling crabs, chasing sea gulls,seaweed… walking through long marauding roads with surprises just around the next bend…multicolored vibrant sunsets, buggy rides on the beach,,,stargazing in the dead of the night…drinking by candle light … meals taken at the best to worst food joints………ravenous hunger……..swishing coconut trees, white virgin sands…hot soup on the beachfront as u watch the sun set…rustic villagers, the tang of salt on the air…fish fry …hot tea on the beach front early I the morning…..sand castles that get washed away with the tide…….solitary walks on the beach………feeling one with the elements…chortling children….swaying casuarinas trees …deep shadows and comfortable hammocks….ten buddies…midnight cozy chats…the call of the sea…cinnamon tea…icy cold crystal clear water quaint roads, speeding at 140km/hr on the expressway….port towns…ferry rides….twinkling lights trimming the beach, lighthouse majestic and solitary….adrak ki chai…conversations with the localites…smiling faces…..contentment….lazy afternoons…..drunken abandon….ghost figures…..memories……….galore




and not to forget an insane rhyme i was taught by Swarup and bored everyone with all through the journey and beyond

"ka ka kawra kha
kawra chibee
uglun pee"


means something insane in marathi like go eat a crow........a rhyme meant for those who pester with too many questions.....n i guess i just took my revenge and pestered them with the rhyme itself.:)

Thursday, January 31, 2008

MOMENTS

It wasn’t the beginning, it was happiness. it was a moment right then………a sense of possibility and purpose to life without which we all are so meaningless and like rudderless ships passing each other in the ocean.
This is how we define our humanity………..our decisions to our way of life…….quietness or noise,colour or darkness, love or fetid hate…and at all times horrible and claustrophobic stagnation.

Have understood that one can never find peace and release by avoiding life itself one has to live the moments and define them as they go. moments of love moments of truth moments of gratitude and in all that all I think the most important thing is to look behind you and see with a certainty a shadow and a presence behind you…….the real you…..with a purpose you have….a purpose that defines you and makes your existence worthwhile……..

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

LUXURY.......ARE WE GEARED UP TO SEE OURSELVES FOR REAL......WE PAY FOR TIME AND EFFORT...

Hi I am back again!!!! This time with a question that I am addressing to all you people in that big void………..

Is it true that in this age that things we do have become redundant with the numerous machines and gadgets that perform for us with a six sigma accuracy…………3.4 defects per million I am told……..incredibly accurate……….

I’m told Swiss watches are famous for their millionth of a second’s accuracy. All want perfection and yet in such a space I see big examples of how people still cherish things made by loving care and craftsmanship….even though they don’t typify a impossible level of accuracy.which brings me to an ongoing debate.why is it that if we desire perfection and accuracy so much that we are ready to pay the earth for things that are hand made.
Why people are ready to buy Art at exorbitant and insane prices? Well maybe either because the artist is either dead……..or maybe because he couldn’t make the same picture with six sigma perfection….
Why are we ready to pay more for handmade paper when the paper mills paper is better in quality and fineness? We find pleasure in that semi rough surface….and appreciate the beauty and not the unevenness. I often wonder if we are celebrating human ingenuity or are we celebrating human folly and inadequacies.
Why on earth will we pay the earth for Venetian glass jewellery when we get Gold in the same bracket? Or why we will be ready to pay just a “little extra “($1500) for a special fragrance that’s “just so me”, when the others go around the place being just regular Joe’s.
I finally come to the final conclusion luxury is all about craftsmanship, without compromise. Karl Marx once wrote that luxury is not in the thing itself, but in the amount of time and effort that went into making it.Thats what we pay for. What an insight!

TIME, probably the most precious commodity one can have and seldom has.
I guess I would pay just a “little extra” ($1500) for that perfume “that’s so me” rather than try go and make my own fragrance for I have neither the time, nor inclination of going and learning the delicate job of a perfumer.

I feel three things define perfect luxury.
One – it acts upon the body, giving sensual pleasure but offering the intellectual dimension of really good design; both come together to make you both happy and satisfied.

Two- it lays claim to authenticity by virtue of either traditional practice or a connection with the land………..wow! I just love French perfumes…….they are so …CHIC!

Three- it requires skilled people to work very hard to produce it and to responsibility of every part of your experience of it-every touch, bite or sip.
Ummmm! I just love Godiva chocolates. Perfectly sinful!!!

What could be better and more human? And aren’t we all craving that personal touch….gets me back to the eternal cause of every human action …NEED.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

MY OWN THERAPY

Once again i am back with a contemplative note on something that took my fancy suddenly yesterday. Being the lazy person i am, i didn't have the energy nor the inclination of getting out of my cozy cocoon of a bed and typing the whole thing out. So here i am doing the need felt at a more humanly hour.



I was just marveling at the works of the Almighty as usual and how he makes different people so different that even though we all seem to have some basic tastes similar like...liking the same movies and liking outdoor activities or cute Labrador puppies ...or dreaming of sky diving or exploring Venice ......we are all essentially still different.........


I read this excellent quotation on the internet at a DNA identification site........trace your genealogy kind of thing....which said that humans have really grown so smart as they have been able to identify the basic building blocks of the DNA structure......but even though we have been able to do that we haven't been able to explain how totally dissimilar people of different origin find similarity in that difference.

The dissonance of colour,race and looks is in fact a veneer covering up more cogent issues......rather the biggest issue of them all.The issue of NEED....have mentioned it somewhere in one of my previous posts.......we need to bond, we need to stick together and no matter how many Ancestry.coms we explore for the fun of it...the basic reason why we do it is to explore and celebrate kinship.

Getting back to the topic at hand...(gosh!!! i have this horrible habit of digressing from the main issue....which leads me into a totally different realm from the one i am in)----my idiosyncrasy i suppose....something in my genes ;-)

What is my therapy......i love walking.......so take off for hours on my own or in company....but one thing is constant.........i am always in monosyllable mode when i am on a walk.......a conversation at the same time inside......the truth be known walk and exercise helps me beat stress and a lot of that nervous energy i am always bubbling with...to the normal person i might seem a lackluster and lethargic person but my mind works at the speed of sound at all times and if i let it then even my body.......there have been times when i've tested my strengths and marveled at my resilience....

Now this isn't a self praise trip......just that there is a lot the human body or brain can go through.which is probably why we are at the top of the pyramid.


Then there are other times when i like meditating and praying.But then one seldom gets the luxury of a quiet room with no disturbance in a hostel.However the times i spend with my God are the best(....call him my God because he feels so MY.....like a best friend a buddy my all i guess......tis true and a confession in fact that i love God the most......more than anyone in this world.........strange.......but so true....might get branded an eccentric person for that but thats the truth)..

Sketching,painting,gardening are interesting too.......and so peaceful.....i get special kicks out of cooking for others and watching them scrape the late bite from their plates with relish..........i guess thats a different kind of appetite....again related to need...........


And then i see others around me.............there have been people who find their release in music.........i have a head banging friend who likes rock.......and rocks to it....an amazing guitarist......

Then there is another who likes contemplating and finds her release in thinking about various scenarios.......and dreaming about food.....since the hostel isn't a very great place for food.......

Then there is the eccentric one ......who just likes going off into a dreamworld of his own.....from where no one can pull him back unless he wants to come back......sometimes....or if i am candid most of these "fits" are within the classroom...and professors find his ...er....VACANT look very ......inspiring.......

such different people.............i am just lost for words.......each person crafted with his own peculiarities.....
there was a time when i questioned the existence of God .....looked for answers all over.......was a skeptic.Tried looking for answers for in past lives and regression therapy....psychology...paranormal activity.......read up on stuff and tried to fit round pegs in square ones........all to no avail....till finally tired i understood......that i was resisting something so much more powerful than me..........my existence.....how can something so inconsequential as an intellect question existence........finally the storm was at rest.....and now i know my goal..........and in times when i am miles away from it.....and when i get worried,jittery and plagued by insecurities......i turn back to my tried and tested therapies.......

i guess they will help me till i need them no more and find my final solutions....

Friday, January 25, 2008

CHOICES

I was watching a movie today...Manorama 6 feet under. A convoluted plot, with an air of impending doom over the whole two and a half hours I spent watching the flick. There was one thing which struck a strong chord in me and which prompted me to write here.
The whole movie was dominated by one thing which was pretty overwhelming. people make decisions ,strong decisions only when they are faced with tough choices. till then they wait till they are cornered.

Isn't that a similar thing which dominates all the choices we make. make decisions when we are challenged by something more alien and stronger than us? Or make a decision under duress or when coerced into a situation we wish we were never into.
I have many decisions in my life attributed to this same helpless feeling of being manipulated by forces stronger than me. And it is at such times I feel that the decision taken couldn't be otherwise. that that was the ultimate decision to be taken. But that is not the whole truth. our choices are own. Only we don't have the strength or sometimes integrity to take them when we should. Waiting for the “correct” moment often takes the decision out of our hands. one must be a ,master of their own destiny...

something I heard form an old friend...a person who didn't believe in the existence of God and said our choices are our own and the responsibilities which come with it. and yet in that knowledge he wasn't perfect. Because even though we know of this great truth...how many of us follow it and believe it.how many of us wait for divine intervention and how many of us feel that “its gods will”.

I am a devout believer. make no mistake! I would never for any reason negate his presence in my life. infact I only have Him in my life thats correct and so comforting. its His presence that will lead me guide me and love me like no one else could ever hope to or could possibly.

I only regret my inability to make those choices when its my turn to move the pieces. someday I will learn how to do it.the day when I shall stop thinking of the future and of consequences and stuff that makes my life fuzzy.all those little pieces which float about and deflect me from my main mission. one day I will learn.to let go and love with a love which needs no reciprocation. That will be the day I can take those tiny decisions before they are made for me. MY CHOICE.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

MONOTONY




Time flies for some and stands still for others
Standing at this juncture
I feel like a person standing still while things evolve ,fade and move around me
A beautiful kaleidoscope of colours
An ever changing picture painted by the most beautiful of them Masters
My Master the one and only one
The creator,the destroyer and guardian
The father ,son and the holy ghost
Ever-constant and one with my soul
And still I feel the monotony of this life oppressive
The continuity of it all
Ceaseless drudgery
The time has come for me to break free


To cease to be and at the same time pass into eternity
An eternity that knows no feeling
No beginning no end
Being just there...
And yet I wonder that this beautiful desired coveted state
Is it the end or the beginning
Or just a phase to move onto
To carry onto from this life to another
A stop gap ?
Or the ultimate goal I've been craving for eternities

The only thing I have known in all these lives
These countless immeasurable minutes I've been passing
Biding my time till the moment comes
Is the certainty that you exist and are a part of me
Much like the child that is a part of a mothers womb
Her flesh and blood, hers from eternity to eternity
And yet a free soul she held just like a vessel
Beyond all selfishness and duty
And still bearing traces of a love that has no explanation
Which knows no logic
Explained just by being there
And knowing no beginning nor end.


In this monotony of life
I know my Lord thy ever constant presence is what I crave
What I cherish and guard like a sentinel
And yet certain I stand
In the faith that thou shalt never desert me
For it was only you who loved me with a love that cannot be
Greater than the greatest love I've felt
And lived to know
It flows like the blood in my veins
That life giving manna from the heavens
My only sustainance in this drudgery
The answer to my prayers
and the final prayer itself
My freedom is after all my Lord your Love.
Therein lies the answer to all the questions in this universe.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

NEGOTIATIONS...

There are sometimes I feel this world is made up of grabbing grasping people who simply don’t see the fact that no matter how much they collect materialistic things, their real wealth is a lot different than what they are left with at the end of the day of life. In the past two years I have seen so much of deceit, treachery and dishonesty…that I begin to wonder at the values of life. Mine haven’t wavered a mite centimeter from what they were …in fact they have strengthened a lot more because of what I see anti what I stand for. I always used to marvel how people stand up in times of adversity…always marveled how people had the strength to love and do what is right even when at the brink of death. Seen through personal experience how my uncle had the gumption to give up what was his wealth…his family…tied up all the knots …settled financial issues …and said goodbye as cheerfully as he could to his loved ones. He died of lung cancer. Ironically he was a non smoker.

What is this strength, the sheer power to alter and define our lives? Always been questioning the source and despite all science and despite all explanations I still reach one conclusion-MY GOD. The supreme power the one who is in us and we are in him. One in the other till nothing more is indecipherable.


It’s so easy to forsake him and so difficult to keep in touch. Is it? I think not. The moment we have problems in life most of us run to him for help. And the moment good times return we waltz off like its no ones business. Getting back to what I was talking about. I find people such ostriches nowadays. They feel that they have become professional in manipulations and using others for ulterior ends that they are totally oblivious to the fact that no one can be made a fool of unless they choose to allow the other to do so. Isn’t that such a sad thing. I choose to let someone use me because I don’t want to oppose that person because I love that person, I care for that person. It’s sad to se someone negotiating with you negotiating for material things you would have gladly given without the scheming and negotiation. Someone said it right …love is a negotiation…life is a negotiation…Im beginning to see the veracity of that statement.

Not a very happy state of affair and typically something I abhor. To me love is journey’s ending. What I see around me is something inexplicable and cryptic…and not very well explained by me …seems to me that the human values we are born with and which our parents very lovingly nurture in our families is being gradually eroded by the nastiness of the world around us……..but the truth is that nastiness isn’t in the world around us…its inside us… and it is for us to discard to crude and ugly and nurture the goodness which also lies within us……..

I remember someone told me long ago…we are all shades of gray, some more gray and some less…but can’t we strive for white? Can’t we be simply ourselves and hope that it shall be reciprocated in honesty? Can’t we be free of malice, negotiations and treachery…of using and being used…?