MY DESIRE

I WANT TO CREATE SOMETHING...A MASTERPIECE OUT OF IMAGINATION.........SOMETHING WHICH WILL TELL ME ALL MY SECRETS.........SHOW ME THE WAY....AM GOING TO LEARN HOW TO PAINT...THATS A PROMISE I MAKE TO MYSELF.......AND I SHALL PAINT WITH MY OWN LIFE BLOOD......AND EMOTIONS....

THE SECOND THING I PROMISE MYSELF IS A VISIT TO MY FAVORITE PLACE..........LADAKH........ITS A PIECE OF MY SOUL.A YEARNING.....A FEVER IN THE BLOOD......
LETS SEE WHEN IT HAPPENS..BUT HAPPEN IT SHALL........

HUMILITY...A VIRTUE LONG GONE.......IS IT?....I HOPE STILL...

Life begins when we understand the transience and fragility of it……and how we should make maximum use of your mortal years so that we get rid of that incomplete feeling in our souls.ive always felt a waiting, a gap, a missing piece in the puzzle called life. Started questioning my existence long back, and the fact that no one understood the turmoil inside only made me more of a loner. Since then I’ve always been watching people and life from the outside. Feel that my purpose here is so temporary…that this is not where I am supposed to be…this life feels like a railway platform and I am sitting with my baggage………waiting……..waiting….for my train to come. The one I’m meant to board………till then im just ‘chasing cars in my head’……..

In the past few days I’ve met so many people. And one commonality I noticed…….a marked lack of humility……..don’t know why but it’s a quality ive always felt as endearing as chivalry in a male. have people really lost connect with the real virtues of life? Or is it just me living in a wrong time.Dont know why but have always admired people….real people………men and women of honor……no half measures…..pure souls who don’t compromise on their virtue……… a man is a man only when he learns the lesson of humility. No matter how big he becomes he always has scope to grow….the benchmark is ever elastic…..and as fathomless as the universe………..arrogance is a fool’s solution of a cover up of his insecurities.

Could never love or admire one who is arrogant…………and doesn’t feel as inconsequential and small as a grain of sand at some point of his life.………always feel that no matter what we become we will never get big enough.Dont confuse this with insatiable appetite for success…………its on the contrary being at rest with your inadequacies and trying to overcome them all the time. Met very few men I can look upto…very few men who are kind……..patient………..loving ……..and most of all giving………..

I have yet to meet one who loves with a love that can be bigger than himself………and has it in himself to accept his inadequacies….and that the universe is so much bigger than all of us……even though it is in fact us…..and more importantly submit himself totally……without condition…


PS:- might sound insane to some people………but there is a certain irrefutable logic in what I say……..that is if you are open minded enough to see what I mean.

THE STATE OF MY MIND

There is a lot one can think about and ruminate on. I choose to do a weekly evaluation of how forward or backward I am moving. Have loads of packing to do and no inclination for it. Its always been easy for me to uproot myself and move away, because I never really put down roots. am what one would call the classic nomad.
Yes I am a nomad mentally physically and spiritually, which is why I am eternally plagued by my one and only terrible fault-the fear of stagnation. Its bane of my life, doesn’t let me settle for anything and with anything. Am always on the lookout for something, someone, somewhere new…

Don’t feel like moving out of Pune.its such a restful place. Lively and active when u want it to be and serene and calm at the same time. Small quaint low roofed buildings and high rises side by side, one blending into the other…the countryside lush and green awash when it rains. Simple people with not a care in their minds…taking you as you are.

The evaluation continues…so why is it I find it difficult to pull my roots this time? Or do I fear that I shall never put down roots again…

Or maybe I am scared of getting out of a situation I was too comfortable being in. the truth be told it wasn’t a reality…was just a surreal figment of my imagination I have been too busy protecting and admiring. Someone, the other day so correctly said to me-“wake up and smell the coffee, hinny”. is that what I have been doing. Proverbially burying my head in the sands of my imagination and walking away from life. It is the time for reckoning, I guess.

My mettle is always strong. Won’t be daunted. if walking away it needs, walk away I shall.

WATER WATER WATER ALL THE WAY....mulshi n me

A FAVE RECIPE OF MINE

Thai Green Curry
Ingredients:

Add more green chilies to this dish for a spicier taste. You can prepare the green curry paste and keep it in the refrigerator for 4 to -5 days.

Ingredients:
8. 2 Tbsp. chopped lemon grass
9. 1 tsp. cumin seeds
10. 1 Tbsp. grated galangal (baby ginger)
11. 1 Tbsp. chopped coriander root
12. 4 garlic cloves
13. 10 green Thai peppers or 4 green Indian chilies
14. 2 Tbsp. groundnut oil
15. 1/2 cup chopped red pepper
16. 1/2 cup chopped green pepper
17. 1 cup chopped button or shiitake mushrooms
18. 1 cup okra
19. 1 cup chopped snow peas, parboiled
20. 1 cup chopped carrots, parboiled
21. 1 cup chopped broccoli, parboiled
22. 1 cup chopped tofu
23. Salt, to taste
24. 3 Tbsp. coconut milk
25. 3 Tbsp. sugar
26. 1 cup water
27. 6 fresh lime leaves
28. 15 fresh Thai basil leaves.

Method:

Method:
1. In a food processor, grind the lemon grass, cumin seeds, galangal, coriander root, garlic cloves, and Thai peppers or Indian chilies into a smooth paste.
2. Heat the oil and sauté the peppers, mushrooms, and okra.
3. Add the snow peas, carrots, broccoli, and tofu and stir for a couple of minutes.
4. Add the salt, coconut milk, sugar, and lemon grass paste.
5. Add the water and bring to a boil.
6. Add the lime leaves and basil leaves. Serve hot with steamed rice.

THE ELEMENTS OF "ME"

I am governed by the law of perversity
Am a contradiction of sorts
Live my life by my own rules
Fly free like a bird in a world which is a cage itself
Delusions of freedom have I
And yet, a better existence than most


At least I know what I quest for
How many wars I battled through
How many lives I’ve lived, shed and been reborn
And still like a unbroken horse I strain at the reins of life
The wait is long and patience less
Give me strength, oh inner being!
The keeper of my soul
So I may not break before the final thrust


I can feel the zeal in my bones
And know what a lesser man never glimpsed at
Lived through fire and ice, tears and pain
Loved every bit of the way…
Clawed myself back to sanity again and again
And in all that I know deep down
I am single, alone as ever I shall be
Am not meant to mix, mingle, lean, love and depend
Love shall I with a love greater than me
But for the one I love
Never for me
Selfless I am called
But they know not…


I am not built for the other
I am built for me
And me shall I serve only
Never be a slave to anyone
Nor anyone to me
Am a slave to the freedom of my soul
Love is just an indulgence to explore my human side…..
A giving, when I know not how to take
The other side …knows no emotion
A clean slate…….a slab of marble….pure white






Fear not …
I am not a threat to anyone
A threat to myself maybe
Not never hurt anyone bad
Not deliberately
And if I do so …tis because I saw more than others did
A picture bigger than the world…
Of futures untold and unexplored.


I shall live on in that future
Will be the wild wind that blows this earth…
Will be the lifeblood of the soil
Bleeding red…
Bringing forth life
I shall be the curse to humanity
Of life and death
I shall be the innocence of a child unspoilt
I shall be the hope in the sick and injured
I shall be the religion of the Gods
I shall be conviction of being.
This is what I am and ever shall be…
From now till the end of existence…

THE LAST OF THE EXAMS

someone just said to me this morning,......wow! last written paper of our lives......and it hit me that maybe this is the last degree of my formal education life.no more studies....feels great.....and yet there at the back of my mind is the need to study further.......maybe when i will be quite solvent i shall study again......but this time for pleasure........

which brings me to a classic question....does anyone study for pleasure......I'm sure if degrees and qualifications weren't attached to jobs most of us wouldn't study....what we have decided to study...........hmmmmm......
i like intellectual stimulation and logical reasoning and analysis....which accounts for my current choice.......MBA.........
on the flip side there is an artistic side to me which is also very prominent..........hence the constant struggle between facts n fiction in my mind.....i love literature and like to dabble in the mystical concepts of metaphysics and occult..........


if it was for fun...I'm sure i would pursue further studies in Arts......literature to be exact.....and maybe a foreign language.....which I've always wanted to learn but never had the gumption to follow through.

anyway is it the end of the road for me?????.......nah i believe learning is a never ending process......sometimes de-learning is more important process than learning....both of which all of us do some or the other time during our lifetimes......


all the best to all of us ......at least no theoretical papers.{THANK GOD!!!!}

CORE ISSUES

Sometimes a feeling of bondage can be a lovely feeling if you only let go and see it as your safety net and not as something to bind you and constrict you. I look at people Bungee jumping or going on a roller coaster ride and it seems so much like life. What we think sometimes as a constricting restrictive relationship is infact our safety net. The cords around your ankle are infact what will keep you from going headlong into a very painful situation.

All it takes is a little ‘faith’ and ‘vulnerability’………one needs to subjugate our will to the will of someone else…….we think we are giving up a lot……space, independence, love, our identity etc…….but infact when you become vulnerable then you don’t empower them (if your initial analysis is right about the person and if the person doesn’t turn out to be a totally wrong choice……a murderer or something perfectly horrid.)…you empower yourself.

Such a person is incapable of hurting you because hurting you would mean hurting himself and what he or she really is. People are after all not all bad….we are all shades of grey…some more white than black……..there are values like integrity ,love and respect still alive even in materialistic times like now………
This is my core and I revel in it…..Have you found yours?